Lemon Pie
by chocolate-kissez696
Summary: Lemon Pie We all know it's evil. If you're looking for a pointless, stupid, yet funny fic then this is the one for you! Please R
1. Default Chapter

**_My friend Sam and I wrote this just for fun, so if you're looking for a stupid and pointless, yet completely and totally funny fic, then this is what you have. We both hope you enjoy this and we look foreward to your comments. Note: this takes place in the Murauder era!_**

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**_Mmmmm Pie_**

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in Paradise. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, girls were screaming.....Girls were screaming?

"YOU RUINED HIM!!!!" Sam screamed teary eyed at the t. v screen. "Sirius is supposed to be sexy! J.K Rowling said so!"

"Okay...No more Prisoner of Azkaban for you." Riley said grabbing the remote and turning off the t. v.

"Hey!" Sam cried indignantly. "Turn it back on jerk!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "YES!!" "NOOOO!" "YES, YES, YES!" "Lalala I can't hear you" Riley sang, covering her ears with her hands.

Sam glared at her and walked into the kitchen. She scanned the fridge for something good to eat when she saw it. Lemon Pie. "Mmmm...Pie" Sam said going dreamy eyed.

"Is that lemon pie?!" Riley screamed, noticing the pie in Sam's hand. "Give me!" "Hey don't be so pushy!" Sam said.

She walked past Riley holding the pie just out of reach. She has almost made it to the living room safely when Riley dived. "Noooooo!" She cried as Riley knocked into her sending them and the pie flying.

The pie flew into the t.v. screen and things started to go blurry.

"Whoa, what's happening?" Sam exclaimed, holding up her hand to see it looking like static fuzz from the t.v.

"I don't know" Riley said, her voice echoed through the room. The room lurched and the two girls screamed as they felt themselves launch forward through the misty night. It felt like there was a hook behind their navel.

The two girls landed in a lake over looking a great castle.

"Sam where are we?" Riley's voice shook. "I think we're at Hogwarts" she said awestruck. "That's ridiculous" Riley said and rolled her eyes. "Is not" Sam said while splashing water at Riley.

Just then they both felt two slimy tentacles wrap around them.

"Ewww! Squicky!" Sam cried, pushing at the slimy green thing around her waist.

"Get it off!" Riley screamed. She wriggled, trying to free herself from its clutch. Then the great green tentacles released them and they landed with a dull thud on the ground.

"Owww." Sam groaned rolling around the ground. Riley winced, standing up and rubbing her sore butt. "Stupid Squid!" She glared at the lake.

"Grrr!" Sam shook her fist at it. Riley looked at her. "What? I was voicing my anger" She said.

"Well what do we do now?" Riley asked. "We go and find Dumblywumbly and get sorted!" Sam cheered. "Dumblywumbly?" Riley said staring at Sam. "God I don't even want to know. Come on." She grabbed Sam's arm and began to drag her up to the castle.

As they walked towards the castle they could see the Great Hall lit up but there were no students there. "Oooo pretty lights" Sam said staring at the floating candles.

The color suddenly drained from Riley's face. "Sam, we aren't magical people. We don't have wands or books or robes. What are we gonna do?" she said shakily.

As if on cue, two trunks appeared before them. Sam opened them up. "Looks like we are magical after all" she grinned and pulled her robes over her head. Riley did the same, still confused.

The doors to the castle opened to find a younger McGonagall walking out. She looked over at the two girls and made her way over to them.

"You're early" She said, eyeing both of them. "You'll just have to wait in that room." She pointed to a small door on the side of the hall. They nodded and made their way over to the room.

When she was sure McGonagall was out of earshot Sam muttered "She is really scary." Riley nodded in agreement. "So how early do you think we are?" She asked. Sam shrugged and plopped down a chair that occupied a corner of the small room.

Riley opened her mouth to speak but before she could a loud cackle sounded from the ceiling. They looked up and floating above them smiling evilly was Peeves. "Ickle first years. All nervous are we?" He asked, swooping down on them.

Riley and Sam both ducked. "Hey!" Sam cried. Peeves blew a raspberry at them and floated out of the room. "I really don't like him." Riley said, glaring at the spot on the wall where he had disappeared through.

Riley looked over at Sam. "What year do you think we're in?" she asked. "As long as we see Sirius then who cares!?" Sam exclaimed while licking her lips at the thought of Sirius Black.

Riley giggled and shook her head. About 15 minutes later the door opened and many other frightened 11 year olds filed into the room. Riley looked around nervously and suddenly felt Sam's hand on her shoulder and turned around to see her mouth hanging open.

She suddenly grinned and said "Christmas seems to have come early this year" point to the handsome face of Sirius Black. She nearly fell over as a greasy haired boy bumped into her.

"Watch where you're going" he muttered while standing up. His eyes met with Sam's and he took her hand in his. "I'm sorry for being so rude, please excuse me. My name is Severus Snape, but you can call me lover boy" he kissed her hand and Sam just looked at him.

She turned to face Riley. "Ewwww get him off me" she cried.

Instead of helping her friend Riley began to laugh. "Oh ... My... God" She cried between gasps. "This is too funny!" "IT IS NOT!" Sam yelled, glaring at her friend, who was now laughing so hard that she was crying.

She sighed angrily. "Get away from me slimy." She snapped at Snape, pushing him into the crowd of first years that was now watching with interest. "Stop staring!" They all turned away and began to talk quietly amongst themselves, throwing the occasional glance towards Sam and Riley.

"See now everybody thinks we're weird!" Sam said. "No just you and you are so it doesn't matter." Riley teased. Sam blinked and considered this. "Yeah I guess you're right." They were then interrupted by a scrawny boy with messy hair.

"Hello I'm James Potter" he said while extending a hand. Riley flushed and Sam shook it in hers. "Sam Hatt and this is Riley Melanson" she said tilting her head towards her friend.

Riley smiled and waved at him. "My friends and I were just wondering who you are. We didn't see you on the train." He said. "We're ummm exchange students, right Sam?" Riley said nervously. "Uhh yeh! Permanent exchange students! From Canada!" Sam said shiftily.

"Wicked" James said smiling. "Oh! These are my friends. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew." They all waved and smiled at the two girls. Sam stared dreamily at Sirius Black as Riley tried not to stare at James.

"Hope we all get in the same house" James said and stalked off with his friends. Sam finally came back to reality and said "This could be fun" with a huge grin on her face.

"Really fun." Riley agreed. "Hey we're kind of sick you know. They're only 11." Sam said thoughtfully. "Since we're first years does that mean we're 11 too?" "Must be." Riley said and shrugged.

"Well if they're too young to fall in love with then we may as well make friends with them." Sam grinned. "Excellent" She said, doing her best imitation of Mr. Burns.

"Ahem" Said a voice. All eyes turned to the front of the room where McGonagall was standing holding a piece of parchment. "You will now be sorted into your houses. When I call your name you will go to the front of the hall. Come along." She said swinging open the door and leading them all single file into the hall.

** A/N> Once again we hope you enjoyed this and we can't wait to see what you have to say!**


	2. The Sorting and Classes

**A/N> Well we got some pretty awesome reviews so we figured we'd add another chapter to see if you have any more comments on how funny we are. _Sam says : WHY DID NO ONE COMMENT ON THE PIE:P_**

**Monica7725 -> Riley says: My ever so faithful reviewer. What would I ever do without you. Glad you liked it! And no it is not a one shot. _Sam says: well we are a bit random aren't we O.o_**

**Snowbunnies -> Riley says: Well, we can't help it if we're stupid in a funny way. Tis just the way we are! Sam says: _Who knows? Maybe James does say wicked? it's a British Term... __your face is! Steamed! _**

**GinnyGin-> Riley says: looks like we're updating now doesn't it. _Sam says: of course it was awesome dear_**

**Katarina McGonagall -> riley says: Oh it's already been written steamed! _Sam says: you're cute...bwar_**

**bobkat2007 -> Riley says: looks like we're doing more by the looks of it Sam says: _quick! go catch your ass! I'm quite fond of mine so I don't know what I'd do if it fell off. We did it in the Marauders Era 'cause I have a slight obsession with it and I harrassed Riley into doing it (I have her totally whipped)_**

**_bobkat2007 -> Riley says:_ Trust me, we have this prewritten and the classes are definately interesting_. Sam says: Nobody ever expects to fall into Lemon Pie. But when it happens WHAM! you land into a magical lake just like that._**

**_The Sorting and Classes_**

**Students sitting at the house tables all became hushed as the long line of pale nervous first years stood anxiously awaiting their fate.**

**Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were all sorted into Gryffindor. The list group of student shortened and Sam and Riley stood there anxiously waiting their turn. Finally Sam was called up to the stool and she gave Riley a cheeky grin. **

"**Hmmm let me think. I could always put you in Slytherin, you are quite clever" it said to Sam. She looked over at the table where Snape smiled flirtatiously and blew a kiss towards her. Sam was disgusted. **

**Keep me away from that grease bag, Sam thought. "Ok well then Hufflepuff is always an option, but I think you would be best in … GRYFFINDOR!" Sam grinned and ran down and sat next to Sirius. **

**Riley's name was then called and she approached the hat nervously. "Hmmm you're a tough one. You could belong in any of the houses very easily, but I think you would get along better in … GRYFFINDOR!" Riley smiled to herself and sat down on the opposite side of Sam and was next to James who happened to be staring at Lily Evans, lovesick. **

**Riley rolled her eyes and as Dumbledore sat down from his speech, the feast began. **

**The feast passed quickly and by the end of it Riley and Sam were full and exhausted. **

"**Too much pie..." Sam groaned. Riley merely nodded, not having the energy to speak. They made slow progress up to the common room entrance. **

"**The Password is Finkus. Don't forget or you won't be able to get in to your rooms." A Prefect at the head of the crowd said. The squeezed through the crowd and into the common room. **

**After saying goodnight to the marauders they walked up the girl's staircase. **

**"Traveling through TV does a lot to a person." Sam said falling face first onto her bed." "What's a TV?" A girl with long blonde hair asked. "I'm Emily by the way." "I'm Sam." Sam said. "It's an uhh magical device of some sorts." She finished lamely. **

**Emily made a confused face." So anyway." Riley interrupted, changing the subject. "I'm Riley." "Nice to meet you." Emily smiled at her. Introductions were then made by the other 3 girls in the room. Dana, a short girl with light brown hair and an Irish accent, Olivia who had short black hair and was very quiet, and of course Lily.**

**All of the girls were tired and decided to go to bed once they were unpacked. Sam and Riley both had beds close together and stayed up late whispering about their new life at Hogwarts. They fell asleep and awoke the next morning to Emily and Dana throwing pillows around to wake everyone up. **

"**Breakfast starts in 15 minutes and classes start today. Come on girls wake up!" Dana shouted. Sam and Riley both groaned. They were too used to summer days where they could sleep in and wake up on time to watch Dawson's Creek. **

**Riley sighed and pulled herself out of bed and got dressed. Sam was back to snoring loudly and Riley laughed at her. She imitated a deep voice and went to Sam's ear. "Sam, wake up. It's Sirius. Kiss me like you've never kissed anyone else before!" Sam bolted up, eyes wide and lips puckered. **

**She looked around confused. "Where'd he go?" Sam asked blankly. Riley was rolling around on the floor laughing. Sam grumbled and got dressed. **

**The two of them went down to the common room and down to the great hall for breakfast. Riley watched as everyone ate. "I think I'm gonna be sick if I eat anything this morning" she said. Sam shook her head and agreed. **

**Professor McGonagall came around and handed out schedules. "First class, Potions with the Slytherins." Riley said. Sam turned around and faced the Slytherin table and to her horror, Snape stared longingly at her, licking his lips slightly making her shudder. "This will be fun" Sam grumbled.**

**The walk to the potions dungeon was long and tiring for Riley and Sam who were half asleep but the rest of the class was buzzing with excitement for their first class, even if it was with the Slytherins. **

**"I heard the professors really strict." Peter said, looking pale and nervous. "Well we'll just have to use some of our charm to get him to loosen up." Sirius said grinning. "No one can resist." James agreed. Riley and Sam both laughed at their ridiculous comments. **

"**What's his name?" Remus asked. "Professor Fream." Peter told. As they entered the classroom they all became immediately hushed. It was a dark damp room that had an odd musty smell. It wasn't at all welcoming. "I have a bad feeling about this." Riley muttered. The Slytherins were already seated. "Hurry up and take your seats" snapped a deep voice. **

**Emerging from an office at the front of the room stood the Potions Master. He was an intimidating figure, tall with short black hair. **

**Once they were all seated (with Sam in the row next to Snape much to her disgust) Professor Fream told them all to take out some quills and parchment. "I want you to all copy these instructions from the board. Read them carefully and make sure you understand them. When you are done you may get your ingredients and being to make your potion."**

**They copied the directions and walked to the back cupboard where the ingredients were. They were to make a shrinking solution so they took hold of all of the ingredients that they needed. **

**Snape edged his desk closer to Sam's who gave him a disgusted look, but he just ignored it. "Miss me?" he asked her while running his hands through his tangled grease filled hair. "Hmmm let me think. NO!" she yelled. **

**Professor Fream came over. "Do you have a problem, Ms. Hatt?" he asked menacingly. She nodded and pointed to Snape. "Well you two can sort out your issues. You're now potions partners" he said simply moving onto the rest of the class. **

**Sam, who had a look of horror plastered on her face, turned to Riley who gave her a look of sympathy. "What am I going to do?" Sam hissed at her. "Wash yourself thoroughly if he touches you?" Riley suggested. **

"**My lovely Samantha, our potion awaits" Snape said in a lovey dovey voice. Sam shuddered and turned back to the cauldron, staying as far away from Snape as she possibly could. **

**Riley turned back to her cauldron with Remus who smiled at her weakly and felt bad for Sam. This is going to be a long class, Riley thought to herself.**

**Sam sat in her seat and pouted. This sucks out loud she thought to herself. After 20 minutes of murdering Snape and Professor Fream in her head Sam decided she was bored. What to do...She thought. **

**Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. She grinned and turned to Snape, who was staring at her lovingly. "Oh Snape." She smiled. "Yes dearest love of my life?" He asked. "How much do you love me?" She asked. "More than words can say." He said excitedly, leaning forward. **

**Sam held back a grimace, instead smiling seductively at him. "Well then you can do me a favor to show just how much you love me." She leaned forward and whispered into his ear. After hearing what she had to say Snape paled slightly but agreed anyway. **

**He stood up and walked up to Professor Fream's desk. "Yes Snape?" He asked. Snape muttered something. "What was that? Speak up I can't hear you." I want to make hot kinky love to you." He said quietly. "WHAT?" Professor Fream yelled. "I WANT TO MAKE HOT KINKY LOVE TO YOU ALL NIGHT LONG! TAKE ME IM YOURS!" Snape screamed. **

**The whole class roared with laughter. Taking advantage of this distraction Sam sneaked up to the Potions Masters desk pouring the shrinking potion onto his seat. I hope they don't have to swallow it for it to work. She said and then snuck back to her seat giggling insanely.**

**Riley and Remus laughed harder and harder while Snape was being lectured by Professor Fream. They grinned at each other and finally calmed down. Sam smiled over at the two of them. **

"**Best moment of my life" she said while sitting down. The class finally calmed down except for the occasional outburst of Hot Kinky Love Making from James and Sirius who were still cracking up from the outburst. **

**Professor Fream finally sat down in his seat. Sam leaned foreward in her seat anxiously. Suddenly Professor Fream stood up screaming that his butt was shrinking. He turned around jumping up and down trying not to panic which wasn't working. **

**He quickly ran out of the room towards the headmaster's office to have his buttocks fixed. At that moment Sirius and James went up to the front of the classroom. "Oh James, I want you I need you oh baby oh baby! Make Hot Kinky Love to me all night long! Take me I'm yours!" Sirius screamed making the class burst into laughter. **

**James played along with it and wrapped his leg around Sirius. "Oh you know I'd make love to you any time!" James said seductively. Lily looked at the two of them furiously and stormed out of the room. Riley looked over at Sam. "Looks like someone doesn't know how to have a good time" She said.**

**Sam looked worried. "You don't think she'll tell on me do you?" "No, but if she did I'll..." Riley began "You'll do what?" Sam asked cutting her off. "You can't do magic yet." "Yes well there are other ways of revenge" "Wow cue evil maniacal laughter." **

**The Bell for next class went. "History of Magic! History of Magic! La la la!" Sam sang skipping down the hall. Riley shook her head. "The most boring class ever and she's excited for it." She muttered. Sirius however said "Well the tune is quite catchy." **

**He ran down the hall and joined in with Sam's frolicking. "Well if you can't beat 'em join 'em." Riley shrugged and skipped off down the hall. James followed her. Only Peter and Remus remained walking sanely down the hall. **

**Peter because he was far too lazy and pudgy to run and Remus because he thought the whole thing was insane. "Maybe it's because they're exchange students?" Peter said to Remus. "No I think it's because they're just plain crazy."**

**They walked into the dusty classroom and sat down next to each other. Sam bounced in her seat. "Oooo this is so exciting" she squealed to Riley. At that moment a ghostly figment came through the black board, making the whole class gasp. **

"**Good Morning class I'm Professor Binns, Please take out some parchment and a quill and copy these notes." At that moment notes appeared on the blackboard and Professor Binns droned them off. **

**Sirius laid his head on Riley's shoulder and started snoring but Professor Binns took no notice to this. James did the same to Sam who yawned and her head fell on James. Riley's fell on Sirius' and Professor Binns kept rambling on and on. **


	3. Kraft Dinner and Mandrakes

** A/N> We decided to put the next part out today. There are only a couple more chapters left of this fic, but we plan on making a series of Sam and Riley stories if that sparks anyones interest so please let us know in your reviews!**

**We will reply to reviews in the next one as at the current moment we don't have the time to, but we will get to it!**

**_Kraft Dinner and Mandrakes_**

Finally the bell rang for Lunch. Sam and Riley ran to the Great Hall and started to stuff their faces rapidly. Peter looked at them as though they had completely lost their minds. "What?" Sam said. "Would you like some?" she asked offering out a half eaten piece of chicken.

Peter sat down quietly and got his own food. "Where's the Kraft Dinner?" Riley asked looking around for the cheesy substance. Noticing that there was no Kraft Dinner she stood up with her arms wide open. "Whatever shall I do without my cheesy substance!" She bellowed.

The whole hall fell silent." WHY! WHY HAVE YOU CURSED ME! WHYYY?" Riley screamed at the ceiling, falling to her knees. Professor McGonagall swept down from her seat at the teachers table. "What do you think you are doing!" She snapped. "Completely inappropriate. Get out now!" Riley stood up and sniffed.

"Fine. I'm going. I don't want to eat with you if there's no Kraft Dinner anyway." And with that she stormed out of the hall. Sam quickly swallowed a mouthful of food before following her angry friend out of the hall.

"Waiiiit up!" She called to Riley who was running up some stairs. Riley turned around and said "Come on we're going to the kitchen! I need to have some words with these so called House Elves and get some Kraft Dinner!"

"Yes! A QUEST! A QUEST FOR KRAFT DINNER!" Sam cheered. "Forward good knights!" Riley called and they both ran off down a random hallway, having no clue where they were going.

The two wandered around the hallways looking for the picture of the bowl of fruit. Since the two had read the books they knew all of the kinky details of the school, just not how to get where they were located.

They finally came to a set of stairs leading downwards and proceeded down them. They found the picture and Sam tickled the pear. She giggled as it started to twitch and finally revealed a room full of house elves and food.

Riley stared in awe at the food but she had to have Kraft Dinner. "There!" Sam yelled pointing to a corner with potfulls of Kraft Dinner. Riley stared open mouthed at it. The house elves saw the look of hunger on both girls' faces and stood around the pots to protect it.

"This is ours" squeaked one of the house elves. "None of the students in Hogwarts will ever have our Kraft Dinner" another elf squeaked.

"Oh yeah?" Sam asked. "Yeah." they squeaked. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah" "OH YEAH?" "YEAH!" "OH YEAH?" "YEAH!" "OHHH YEAHH!" "...no." Sam smirked triumphantly. "That's what I thought."

She turned around to look for Riley but couldn't find her. She scanned the room and spotted her near the giant pots of Kraft Dinner, stuffing her face full of the cheesy substance. "I took advantage of the distraction." She said through mouthfuls of Kraft Dinner. "Eww. Say it don't spray it." Sam said wrinkling her nose.

"You cannot tell anyone about our Kraft Dinner." A House elf squeaked. "Yes if you do not tell you can have all the Kraft Dinner you want." Another chimed in. "Deal." Riley and Sam agreed.

After eating as much Kraft Dinner as they wanted, the two girls walked on the Hogwarts grounds heading towards Herbology. "Which house do we have this one with?" Sam asked. "Lover Boy's" Riley said grimly.

The color from Sam's face drained. "You have got to be kidding me!" she exclaimed. Riley shook her head no and the slowly made their way to the greenhouses. The two went over to stand by Sirius, James, Peter and Remus while Snape was across the table waving to Sam.

"I'm gonna be sick" Sam muttered to Riley. "Perfect idea" Riley said while taking a bar of soap out of her bag. Sam grinned and took the bar of soap and walked briskly over to Snape.

"Oh Lover Boy" she said cheery. He came running to her side in an instant. "I'm sorry but I just can't be with you. Try washing yourself first" Sam said while handing him the bar of soap. Snape stared at it blankly and looked as if he was going to ask what it was for. Sam turned on her heel and walked back over to her friends who were in fits of laughter.

She smiled at them "Do you think he'll use it?" James snorted "He'd be more likely to eat it then to wash with it." They all laughed at this.

"Alright Students" Professor Sprout called. "Today we will be potting Mandrakes. You all have ear muffs next to you, please put them on." "Alright Purple!" Riley squealed putting her sparkly purple ear muffs firmly over her head. Sam held up her plain green pair and pouted. "I don't want to wear them."

Riley however couldn't hear her and was happily humming a tune to herself. Sam glared. Well I'll just have to make them pretty she thought, and pulled some useful materials out of her bag.

While doing this, she wasn't listening to the Professor ask if they all had their earmuffs on. As a result the minute someone pulled out a mandrake from its pot its high pitched squeal knocked her unconscious.

Riley, who still could not hear a thing and was not paying attention to her poor knocked out friend, was happily tossing the Mandrakes from one pot to another.

Moments after Sam had collapsed, Riley looked down to see Sam lying on the ground. "Silly Sam" she said happily, but then noticed that she was unconscious and yelled for Professor Sprout. Riley started to freak out as Professor Sprout took her away and James put a comforting arm around her. I could get used to this, she thought to herself.

Back in the Hospital Wing, Sam started to come around and felt someone holding her hand. She smiled at the thought that it was probably Sirius but opened her eyes to see greasy hair hanging down with a hooked nose attached. "Ewww" she said and pulled her hand away and grabbed her bag. She pulled out a bottle of Purell and started covering her hands rapidly.

"Didn't you listen to me?" she snapped. "I don't date people with hygiene problems!" Madam Pomfry heard the commotion and whisked her way into the Hospital Wing and shooed Snape away.

Riley and the boys rushed through the room towards Sam. Madam Pomfry handed her a sleeping solution and everything started to go blurry until all went dark for Sam.

Sam was sitting on a cloud with purple cows floating lazily in the background. She smiled when she saw Riley go by on one of the cows and waved to her. Sirius appeared out of nowhere and sat down on the cloud next to her.

"Hey sexy" He said. Sam laughed. I love my dreams. She closed her eyes and leaned in for a kiss. When she opened them she saw that she was sucking face not with dream Sirius but with . . . . . Sylvester Stalone? "AHHHHHHHHH" She screamed "I just made out with Rocky!" She jumped off her cloud crying and fell downward into a blue hazy abyss.

Riley and the boys had no idea of the trauma Sam was going through, they just sat in seats around her bed watching as she mumbled "Not Rocky, noooo" and rolled back and forth.


	4. Flying Class and Pranks on Peeves

** A/N> Thanks for reviewing everyone! We really appreciate it. We're already working on our next adventure so we can't wait to post that, which we will do once this is finished. There are a couple more chapters left so don't forget to get your reviews in!**

**Katarina McGonagall -> Riley: We are both madly in love with Lemon Pie, that's where that concept came from! Sam's really random when it comes to dreams..._Sam: RILEY STOLE MY THING! Rocky is cool man don't diss him. His theme song is superwickedcooltothemax_**

**Monica -> Riley: Dawsons creek plays from 11-12 then 12-1 here :) If you think Sylvester Stalone is random for a dream then youdon't wanna know about any other of sams dreams lol._Sam: yes Dawsons Creek comes on around then too. Do you live in N.S? I AM IN LOVE WITH SIRI POO! clings to him> NOONE CAN TOUCH HIM! yep the Sylvester Stalone thing was based on a real dream shudder> it was horrible_**

**bobkat2007 -> Riley: I had to add that line in from "10 things I hate about you" It's a great line! And no I do not always carry a bar of soap around with me, although there was this one time last year where my old friends and I threw a bar of soap at this really dirty chick...it was quite funny _Sam: __J'adore that movie. I don't think it was intentionally from it though. It just randomly popped into Riley's (I think she wrote it) head .. or maybe not cause I don't really know what Riley thinks about __scary thought really __I'm not especially fond of Kraft Dinner...one time Riley made it and it was really good though XD rawr yum..._ Riley: and I can't cook!**

**Flying Class and Pranks on Peeves**

It was a few weeks later and Sam had finally recovered. James and Sirius came running into the common room with huge grins on their faces. "What's up guys?" Sam asked. "Flying lessons are tomorrow with the Slytherin's, which means we get to see Snivellus on a broom" James grinned while saying all this. "All of the grease on his hands will probably make him slip and fall off" Sirius said. "Oh god I hope so!" Sam said relieved that he hadn't tried anything since the Hospital Wing.

The next morning they woke up to a clear sunny day. They walked down to the quidditch pitch where many brooms lay on the ground. They all stood by one of the brooms as Snape stared at Sam from down the row.

Madam Hooch decided to see how well each student could fly on his or her own and started off with James who flew magnificently. Next was Snape. He held his hand out over the broom and summoned it up.

Everyone's jaws dropped. Snape...could fly. Maybe even better than James. "How is this possible?" James hissed under his breath. "Snivellus must be cheating." Sirius growled "Or maybe he's just really good." Peter suggested.

Everyone looked at him. He twitched." Or not..." "Well then we'll have to find out how he's cheating." Riley said. Sam smiled." I know how!" "How?" "We get him to pee his pants!" "How is that supposed to help?" "Well you see if I were trying to trick you all into thinking that I could fly a broom really well I would obviously use special underwear. If Snape is using special underwear then when he pees them he will make them malfunction." Silence followed this statement. "Well...It might work." Riley said.

"So how do we get him to pee himself?" Remus questioned. James and Sirius grinned. "Oh we know a perfect way..." Sirius walked over to Sam and whispered in her ear. A look of horror came over her face. "Oh no way! That's wrong!" She shrieked.

James told Riley what the plan was and her mouth dropped open. "That's mean, don't make her do that!" She said. Sirius gave Sam puppy eyes. "Please Sam, for us?" "This is so unfair!" she shrieked and walked over to the middle of the pitch and looked up at Snape longingly.

"Snapey! I WANT YOU! I NEED YOU! PLEASE COME TAKE ME! I'M YOURS, ALL YOURS AND NO ONE BUT YOU CAN HAVE ME, SO BRING YOUR RUGGED SELF DOWN HERE AND MAKE STEAMY HOT LOVE TO ME!"

Snape stopped in mid air and started to fall of his broom. Just as Sirius had predicted, his greasy hands couldn't hold on much longer. He held on as long as he could and the broom started to jerk him around. He fell on the ground next to Sam and looked up at her lovingly.

"Haha you imposter. Don't think for a minute that I would ever be yours!" She then walked back over to her friends who were all on the ground laughing from what Sam had just yelled.

Well I'm sure you can guess what happened to Snapes undies...he didn't exactly pee them. Sam sniffed and sat down on the ground with her arms crossed. "I'm not talking to any of you for a long long time." When their laughter eventually ended it was Riley's turn to fly her broom.

As she started to summon her broom she was interrupted by a cough that sounded suspiciously like don't mess up coming from Sam's direction. She glared at her and summoned her broom again. After a few tries she managed to make it off the ground but was still clinging on for dear life.

Sam who was enjoying this payback was laughing hard. Riley looked down at her friend and unfortunately wasn't paying attention to where she was going. She crashed head first into a tree branch. She and the broom went spiraling downward. Riley who was falling head first gave the class a very nice view of her hot pink Barbie underwear.

Riley landed on the ground, unconscious. We must remember that not many witches or wizards knew about Barbie. After Riley had gotten out of the Hospital Wing she had a ton of questions about Barbie and what she was all about. Luckily she still had some of her old Barbie's and gave them out to anyone who would pay her a nice sum of money.

Since Sam helped her start the Barbie fad, Riley split the money with her. "We're rich!" Sam exclaimed while counting the galleons and Knuts over and over again. By now it was nearing closer and closer to Halloween.

Ghosties would spook any student by coming out of the wall and Peeves had his usual pranks set up. This time Riley, Sam, Sirius, James, Remus and Peter decided to give Peeves a taste of his own medicine.

It was late on a Friday night when the master plan was to take place. "Why do I have to be on the bottom?" Sirius whined. "Because James is scrawny and easier to hold up." Sam said. James scowled "I resent that." Sam shrugged, and covered them both with the blood stained robe.

"You look exactly like the Bloody Baron!" Sam laughed. "Now you remember what you're supposed to do right?" "Yes." Came the muffled reply from James. "We make sure Peeves gets to where Riley, Remus, and Peter are waiting." "Excellent." "I can't breathe!" Sirius whined. "Deal with it!" Sam snapped.

"So remember...you have to be convincing. Exactly like the Bloody Baron so Peeves will believe you." "Yes Ma'am." James saluted from Sirius shoulders. "Off you go then." Sam pushed them towards the portrait hole. Riley had better be ready...She thought, climbing out after them.

Riley stood at the end of the hallway with Remus and Peter. Peter was breathing heavily and Remus was staring at Riley. "W-we shouldn't b-be here!" Peter whined. "Peter get a grip on yourself" Remus complained. "It's a harmless prank" Riley said quietly while listening for Sam and the other two boys.

They had to wait for Sam and the two to walk by to where Peeves usually was at this hour before they could do anything. A ghostly figment started to walk towards them, covered in blood. Peter turned as white as he possibly could get and fell over. Sam ran up to them from behind the fake Bloody Barron.

"What happened?" she asked. "Panic attack" Remus grunted. "Oh great, what a wuss" Sam said. She handed Riley a bar of chocolate. "You read the books, you know what to do" she said to her. Sam then grabbed part of the costume and pulled the two boys along, ready for what was to come.

Sam saw Peeves up ahead writing profanities on the wall. "Ooooh wandering the halls late at night? That's not allowed. I'll just have to report you to the Caretaker won't I?" Peeves cackled spotting Sam. "No you won't." said James in his best imitation of the Bloody Baron. It sent shivers down Sam's spine. Peeves looked slightly put out.

"You are to go down the third floor corridor; there is some business I wish you to attend to there." The fake Bloody Baron pointed down the hall to where Riley and the boys were waiting in the darkness. Peeves glared at Sam and blew a raspberry at her before speeding off down the hall.

When he disappeared Sam pulled the cloak off the boys. "It worked!" She giggled. "Come on lets go see what happens!" James said hopping off of Sirius' shoulders and running after Peeves.

Riley and the boys sat waiting. They heard Sam and James talking to Peeves and the three got ready to run. Peeves came around the corner and saw the three of them sitting there. An evil smile appeared on his face. "Time to report some wee firsties" he said. "Not if you can't catch us" Riley said.

The three of them started to run and they could hear Peeves behind them. The turned a corner and ran down some stairs to the second floor. They turned another corner into Moaning Myrtles bathroom. Remus flushed a toilet and Peeves jumped in the stall and tripped into the toilet.

The toilet was flushed and Peeves was forced down the pipe. Sam, James and Sirius came in just in time to hear Moaning Myrtle and Peeves yelling at each other. With satisfied smiles they all walked back to the common room and proceeded to their dormitories to go to sleep.


	5. Dustbunnies

** A/N> Riley: We're glad everyone liked our story but this is the last chapter, but we will be back! **

**"Well my friends. The time has finally come for us to bid you adieu. It's been a grand trip, truly grand. Peace out poopies -Sam"**

**bobkat2007 ->Riley: I think it would be impossible for peeves and moaning myrtle to fall in love. Hope you like the last chappie and keep an eye out for our next series! Sam: _no they're not going to fall in love. I see some hott kinky toilet sex in their future, but that's purely lust you see. _**

**Monica7725 -> Riley: N.S. Is Nova Scotia...it's a province in Canada. The story was prewritten and since we are who we are, we kinda tend to be forgetful... _Sam: Alas we cannot fine the Room of Requirement or save sirius :cries: but maybe in another fic. Maybe i'll take up writing. XX_**

The next morning, Halloween morning, Riley was woken up by something landing smack on her stomach. She thought it was Sam, as jumping on Riley was the favorite way to get her up.

So she rolled over and pushed Sam off of her. Her hand came in contact with long fur. Fur? Riley thought groggily. Sam doesn't have fur. After she registered these thoughts Riley jumped out of bed and whirled around to face whatever was on her bed.

"Hello" said the gray ball of fluff sitting on her bed. "Hi" Riley answered nervously. "What are you" "I'm a dust bunny. Sent from your world." "Wow really? So that means we actually have dust bunnies doesn't it! I knew it! I was always" "Ahem. That is not the point" The Dust Bunny said cutting her off. "Oh...then what's the point...uhm what's your name" Riley asked "You may call me Fred and I am here to find why you were transported here by the pie instead of the people that were supposed to be sent here."

"Well you see, Sam and I were watching Harry Potter and eating pie and it just happened. But we're happy here so you can go back to the real world and leave us in our fantasy" Riley said quickly.

The dust bunny nodded. "You belong in the real world" it said. You are coming back with me" "You can't make me!" Riley said in disbelief. The dust bunny approached but Riley grabbed a vacuum cleaner and sucked the dust bunny up. "Well that takes care of that" Riley said to herself.

She noticed that she and Sam were the only ones in the dormitory so she woke Sam up and told her all about the dust bunny. "And you didn't wake me up?" she said disappointed. "Sorry" Riley mumbled. "Come on let's go to breakfast" Sam said.

"Mmm toast" Riley said sliding onto the bench and grabbing the piece in Sirius' hand. "Hey! I was going to eat that" He complained. "Yes well you eat too much for your own good." "I'm a growing boy."

Riley didn't bother to answer, instead she stuffed her face with scrambled eggs. "Hey do you think the dust bunny could escape from the vacuum" Sam asked. "I don't know why" Riley said. "Well I really want to keep it as a pet. I've never seen a dust bunny but I bet they're soft."

Riley nodded "Yeah it was pretty soft." "What's a dust bunny" James asked. Riley groaned. "You should not have asked that." And for the rest of breakfast Sam told the Marauders all about the magical world of dust bunnies.

After classes Sam headed up to the dormitory and pulled the vacuum out. "I'm going to keep that dust bunny if it's the last thing I do" Sam said aloud. Riley walked up the stairs and into the room. "I swear, it's evil. It wants us to go back to the real world" she complained.

"Shut your pie hole and help me get him out!" Sam shouted. Riley rolled her eyes and helped her friend open the vacuum. Fred popped out and Sam sat looking at it completely mystified. She patted it "Oooo fluffy" she said. "You are now my new pet" she said to it.

"I'm sorry but I'm not your new pet I" But he stopped speaking and made an odd purring sound as Sam scratched him behind his ear. Sam smiled at Riley. "See he likes me, he won't send us back." Riley sat down next to her and scratched Fred's other ear.

He thumped his leg on the floor and his eyes rolled back into his head. Sam laughed "He's having a dust bunny orgasm." Riley made a grossed out face and stopped scratching his ear. Fred's thumping stopped and instead of purring he began to growl, glaring at Riley. "Now look you've made him mad" Sam cried, jumping away from the dust bunny that was growing larger by the second. "Ahhhh he's HUGE"

Riley dug a bottle of the shrinking solution they had made their first day in potions. She thought she would keep some just incase. She threw some of the potion onto the dust bunny and it began to make a gurgling noise. It slowly began to shrink. It kept shrinking until it reached the size of a normal dust bunny.

It tried to talk but all that came out was squeaky noises. The dust bunny finally started to run around like crazy and Sam brought a jar down over it. "This is your new home now little buddy" she said while peering into the jar and poking at it. She put in a little plastic bed. "And this is where you can sleep" she grinned. "Come on Sam, all this dust bunny nonsense has gotten me hungry" Riley said and the two of them went to the Great Hall.

November and December passed quickly and the Christmas Holidays were fast approaching. "Deck the halls with boughs of that green stuff fa la la la la" Sam hummed under her breath as she finished wrapping her last present.

She stood back to admire her work. The wrapping paper alone was beautiful, with dancing snow men that stuck out their tongue and twinkling tree lights on fire. "Riley is going to love her present! And speaking of Riley, where is she? I haven't seen her all day" Sam wondered.

Shoving her presents under her bed and putting a Santa hat on her went off in search of her friend. "Rilllleeeeyyy" She called coming down the staircase. "Here" Called a voice. Sam looked around the common room and spotted her friend trying to hang Mistletoe about the portrait hole.

"James is going to kiss me" Riley said. "No he's in love with Lily remember? Besides we're only 11" "Love knows no age." Riley scoffed, jumping down from her stool.

"But remember Sam, James and Lily don't get together until 7th year so there's plenty of time for dating" Riley grinned. "Plus you might get your chance with Sirius" Riley added. Sam's eyes lit up. "You're right! Love knows no age!" Sam said and helped Riley hang it up.

The boys decided to stay at the school for Hogwarts and the 6 of them would be the only ones in Gryffindor Tower. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever!" the two of them said together.

Lily was the last one out of the tower, carrying her trunk behind her. James watched her go and Sirius started singing 'God rest ye merry Hippogriffs' and Sam joined in with him. Remus sat by the fire playing wizarding chess with Peter and Riley and James were talking, Riley trying to lead James closer to the mistletoe.

"Come down to the kitchen with me James." Riley said. "I'm not really hungry." James replied. Peter looked up from his chess game "I'm hungry." Sam laughed. "Nobody cares about you Peter." He looked hurt. "Sam you're so mean" Riley said, even though she agreed with her. Sam just shrugged.

Riley turned her attention back to James "Do you want to go to the Library" "No. Why would I want to get there on Christmas break" Riley looked like she was on the verge of a meltdown. Sam sighed." James take a hint" "Huh"

Rolling her eyes she took out her wand and set James' robes on fire. "Ahhh! What are you doing" He screamed getting up and running around. Sam winked at Riley and put the fire in James' robes out when he was conviently underneath the mistletoe.

At that moment the door opened and sent James flying forewards. Professor McGonagall walked in and pursed her lips. "You're the only student staying in Gryffindor?" she asked. Everyone nodded and she put her hands on her hips. "Well I was hoping that one of the prefect would have stayed behind to look after you but I suppose there's nothing I can do" she said and stalked back out.

Riley sat down on the couch next to Remus to watch them play wizarding chess. Everyone stayed up until around midnight and everyone finally climbed up to bed. The next day was Christmas morning and Sam and Riley ran up to the boys' dormitory singing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs as loud as they could to wake them up.

"Ho ho ho" Sam screamed jumping on each of the boy's beds in turn. "Merry Christmas" Riley called, throwing open the curtains to reveal bright December sunlight. The boys grumbled and crawled out of their beds, yawning. "Here are your presents" Riley said, throwing them in a heap on the floor. "I love Christmas" Sam smiled, plopping down on the floor next to Riley to watch the boys open their presents.

"Open ours already" Riley whined. "Yeah the suspense is killing me" Sam chimed in. Peter was the first to reach his present from the girls. He slowly undid the ribbon and BHAM! He was hit by a giant snowball that exploded into multi colored snowflakes. Sam and Riley laughed as Peter fainted. "Loser" Riley giggled.

The other three boys approached their gifts with caution and stepped back as their snowflakes exploded. The floor was covered with multi-colored confetti. Riley and Sam twirled around in the confetti as it floated through the air.

The girls went back their dormitory to the piles of present at the foot of each bed. Sam grinned at Riley as they began to tear the paper apart. Riley reached under her bed and handed Sam a present that was wrapped in sparkly green wrapping paper with twinkling stars. Sam opened it and revealed a black robe with little pink stars all over it. Sam grinned as she put it on over her P.J.'s.

"Awesome" Sam squealed, twirling around in her robe. "Open yours" She said, throwing Riley's present at her. Riley caught it before it hit her head and began to unwrap it. She reached inside the box and pulled out...a piece of paper. Riley looked at Sam. "Just read it" Riley nodded and read the paper.

It said as follows "Couldn't keep it in a box or it would die."" What would die" Riley asked." Your pet obviously" Sam said, opening the door to her wardrobe and gently picking up a sleeping black kitten. "I called her Bordois." Sam gave the cat to Riley, who immediately started cuddling it.

"Sam, you're the best!" Riley squealed with excitement while holding the kitten close. The two girls, along with Bordois, headed downstairs to the common room. The boys all say playing chess by the fire. Sam sat down next to Sirius and Riley and the kitten were next to Remus.

He smiled at her and she smiled back as Sam and Sirius started chatting up a storm. James and Peter were concentrating very hard on playing chess. That afternoon the 6 of them went outside for a huge snowball fight. Near the end of the afternoon they all came in, chilled to the bone and went down to the Great Hall to find loads of Christmas Festive Foods.

To Sam's horror, Snape stayed home for Christmas and made his way over to the table, but to her delight, Sirius put a protective arm around her and shot Snape a warning look and he backed away.

"I'm cool." Sam stated randomly. Everyone looked at her. She shrugged. "Well I am." "I'm cool too" Riley said. "Let's sing Riley" "Okay" Out of nowhere two microphones and a spotlight appeared. A Piano started playing Oh Holy Night and Riley and Sam sang Cartman's version of the song.

When it was all over they bowed, to much clapping and cheering. "I feel better." Sam said. "Me too." Riley agreed. They both walked from the great hall leaving an audience staring after them.

As they walked out of the Great Hall they met the Dust Bunny. "Time for you to go back to the reality" he said and before either of them could object, they woke up on the couch with pie all over their faces and the credits from the Prisoner of Azkaban playing. "Woah, what a strange dream" Sam said. "You're telling me" Riley agreed.


End file.
